Breathe
by Forbidden.Love.21
Summary: Finding him saved me, but loving him will kill me.
1. Chapter 1

_ "Te amo como se aman ciertas cosa oscuras, secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma. (I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul.)" ― Pablo Neruda_

_o.O _

_**PROLOGUE**_

__Breathe.__

_I tell myself if I just breathe I'll be okay. If I don't think, don't try to figure him out everything will be okay. Because to try would destroy everything. Because he is evil, and ugly and everything I hate in this world, but his laugh its my heaven, his smile is my saving grace. Without him I am lost. So I tell myself to breathe, that everything will be okay._


	2. Chapter 2

_vg"Give me your hand out of the depths sown_by your sorrows."__

__-Pablo Neruda__

__o.O__

"This time do it right," his hand tighten its hold on my wrist, I could feel it going numb with each second that passed. I refused to make a noise, to let him become more aware of the power he held over me. "We made a deal, you give me what I want and I won't have to tell-"

"You tell and its over for both of us." I ripped my hand away from his with a hiss.

"You screw this up for me and your dead." he slapped the package into my hand, "Now be a good girl and do as your told." his grin, which transformed his face into something beautiful yet held no signs of mercy- made my stomache twist in pain. I kept my face blank, "Being dead would be better then this"

"That can be arranged," he laughed, his silver eyes bore into mine "don'tever forget that sister"

'I'm not your sister,' I wanted to shout at his retreating figure, but what was the point? I was anything he wanted me to be. There was no getting out of what my mother had gotten us into.

o.O

The alley was dark and smelled of vomit and weeks old chinese food. It wa everything movies made it seem and more.

The cold crept into my skin like a nightmare. I shut my eyes and pictured home, or what once was home. Before we lost everything, before my mother sold herself- and me. I try to remember our christmas tree, the blue lights throwing color onto our white walls. The smell of cookies in the air, and the joy of tomorrow right at our finger tips.

The metal door opened and a man with long black hair stumbled out, slurring his words "I told ya, I did."

I turned my back on him, not wanting to deal with this stranger and his problems.

I paced five steps wondering where the buyer was, I checked my watch it read ttwenty after one- he was suppose to be here by twelve thirty.

"Hey th'ear girly," I could feel the drunk man wobble behind me "I could use a friendly hand" I snapped around at his hand on my arm, I knocked him off of me and took a few steps back.

The sudden movement caused him to fall to the ground, "why'd you go an do that?" he glared at me from his fallen position, as if I had kicked his favorite puppy.

The old me, the innocent me would have said sorry and helped him up. Instead I glared back, and reached into my jeans back pocket and threw a ten dollar bill at him. "Help yourself," his eyes landed on the bill then flickered right, lighting up.

"Whats this?"

My heart sped up as I noticed laying on the ground was a tiny clear bag with a white substance inside. I patted my pocket, it was empty.

I reached down and grabbed for it at the same time.

He got it first.

"Whats a girl like you doing with this?" I noticed he was suddenly steady on his feet.

I grabbed for the bag, as he held it out almost falling as he pulled away laughing.

"Give it back to me," I said through clenched teeth.

"Why don't you try to take it back?" I lunged forward, only to be knocked back into the alley wall. I stood up, my knees shakey. I didn't think, I just reacted- lunging towards him again. This time his backhand across my face stopped me.

I could taste my blood, and hear it rushing in my eyes as I saw him pull out a gun.

Idiot! I screamed at myself, 'why didn't you pay more attention, why did you write him off as just some drunk? You know better!'

My hands clenched into fist at my side. I took a deep a deep breath, trying to swallow my fear.

I wouldn't beg or plead for it back, I wouldn't cry and ask why. If he killed me, I would be free. So I took a step forward, "Go ahead," I taunted taking two more steps "What are you waiting for? pull the fucking trigger!"

"I ain't planning to kill you sweets," he grinned, "I think you'd do well in pleasing my boss." he's slimy eyes looked over my body. I could only picture what he saw. My small frame, my black jeans black v neck t shirt and black knee high boots, giving me an extra three inches.

" I won't let you come near me"

"You can't stop me,"

It happened to fast to react, I wasn't trained for this. I wasn't brought up knowing how to protect myself, I never was suppose to know.

My back hit the alley wall, my head cracked against the bricks. "maybe I could test you out before giving you to boss man," his nose grazed my neck, my stomach clentched.

"get off me," I hissed trying to push him away and failing miserably.

"listen here little lady, if you play ball I'll make sure my boss treats you good," his smile was ugly, his teeth yellow and broken. "very good,"

"I'd let her go if I were you," another voice- a male voice came from the opening of the alley.

My head snapped to that direction, the darkness surrounded the new player, his voice was smooth like honey.

"Get lost, this doesn't concern you." my attacker hissed.v

"Oh, but it does you see" he took a few steps, the light finally reflecting his features. He almost looked board, as if finding strange girls being attacked in the alley is an every night occurrence.

"Back off," my attacker shouted, I took the moment of panic in his eyes to make me move. shoving my palm up, hitting his nose as my knee met with his groin he fell backwards.

I can't tell you what happened next, only that for a moment I lost control. I kicked the fallen knife across the alley before turning my anger to my attacker.

once.

twice.

Three times I kicked him in the head. I would have done it again if strong arms hadn't pushed me away.

"Enough of that," he chuckled bending down, patting the pockets of the still man. He grinned finding what I assumed he was looking for.

"You were carless tonight with this," he flipped the small baggy between his fingers. "I'm paying good money for this."

"Your the buyer..." I swallowed hard, looking from him to the man he was crouched over.

"I wouldn't worry about him getting up anytime soon," he said casually "he's dead"

"WHAT?" I screeched, crawling over to were he layed. My fingers searching for a pulse, searching for some sign of life.

"I don't understand why your upset," I could hear his disgust. "the man won't be missed. He attacked you!"

"You got what you wanted..." I choked out, my eyes still on the lifeless body before me.

Did I do this? Did I really kill a man?

"No," he said softly "I didn't. I've made another purchess tonight."

I shook my head, my looking at my bloody hands. if he was dead why was blood still gushing from his temple. "That was all my brother gave me..."

"I don't think you understand moria," my eyes snapped to his and for the first time I noticed him. His dark eyes seemed like a dark abyss. His face was perfection, almost as if he was created from scratch. his hair-

"I've bought you"

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><p>AN: hope you enjoyed it :) leave some love & let me know what you think. reviews make my muses & me happy. Which means, faster updates :) also, follow me on twitter, you'll get snippets & spoilers if you want them :p

(at)fragilegravityx


	3. Chapter 3

"_As if you were on fire from within; the moon lives in the lining of your skin."- Pablo Neruda_

"What do you mean, you bought me?" I scooted away from him, my heart that never really stopped racing since walking into this alleyway started to beat even faster. "You can't buy another person!" I shouted, but as those words left my mouth, I knew how wrong I was.

Was that not what already happen to me? Didn't my Mom sell me to the wolves, for a moment of ignorant fun? Wasn't I already under their control like a puppet they had bought?

"I already did," he laughed "And if you think you for even a moment that I won't run after you Moria, you're sorely mistaken."

"Why?" I asked after a moment of silence. "What is so important that you'd act like a monster and buy another human being?"

"I need you to get close to someone; I need to know everything about them, about their friends."

"You want me to spy?"

"No, I want you to join them," he leaned over the dead man and touched my chin "Anyway you can, and Moria? What makes you think for even a moment I'm anything other than a Monster who only has human face?"

o.O

With my bag packed and my heart completely numb, I looked at the room I called home for the past few months. The brown walls were bare, the bed looked unused, and the carpet had barely any sign of wear on it.

Yet, I felt as if I was walking out of my life once again, even though it was a life I never choose it was still mine, still what I made of what I had been given.

"You're leaving? Where are you going?" My mom asked from the doorway, standing there in her pink robe at three in the afternoon, her face pale her lips bright red with lipstick, her eyeliner smeared.

"Out mom," I couldn't look at her, not when I know she couldn't see how completely broken I was by her hands, not caring the my world was shattering while she was blissfully unaware that her actions are the cause of it

"Oh, well could you pick up some Milk on your way home?"

**I'm not ever going to be home mom, I'll be gone forever**. Is what I want to tell her, but would she even hear me?

"Sure mom"

"Honey?"

"Yeah?"

"You left your t-shirt in the bathroom, the one that looked all bloody? I threw it away. You really should be more careful what you get on your clothes sweetheart, ketchup won't come out"

o.O

"You're only bringing one bag?" He asked as he sees me, his eyebrow raised.

"It's all I own" I tell him, walking ahead of him not wanting a heart to heart with the guy responsible for buying me like some animal getting ready to be slaughtered for hamburger meat.

"Why?"

"Why what," I turn around and shout, getting annoyed with his questioning

"Why is that all you own?"

"Look, you bought me whoever-the-hell you are, but that doesn't mean I have to be nice to you, or share my life story. Okay?"

"My name is Jonathan, and I would be a little nicer to me if I were you," he grabbed my arm, pulling me closer to him. I couldn't help but notice how his hand felt warm against my skin, or how he smelled like cinnamon, or how my body felt against his chest as his lips touched my ear "As you pointed out Moria, I own you"

I pulled away his hold was loose on my arm, "You'll never own me, you freak!"

His grin grew, "You might just find yourself surprised."

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><p>hey guys, hope you enjoyed this chapter. Sorry for the long wait. :) Please Review &amp; the let me know what yous think,<p>

-Sarah


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